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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23269336">Ignite</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:41:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,482</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23269336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben and Callum are friends, nothing more, but a series of events may be about to change everything...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Jay Brown/Lola Pearce</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>179</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We like to drink with Callum, cause Callum is our mate, and when we drink with Callum, he gets it down in 8, 7, 6 – “</p><p>“I can’t okay, I can’t” Callum proclaimed holding up his hands in surrender after a pathetic attempt at downing his drink.</p><p>“Oh, come on! That barely even touched your mouth!” Jay laughed, nudging Callum on the arm.</p><p>“Yeah Callum! I think I’ve seen pops down drinks better than that.” Lola laughed as she watched Callum wipe away the beer from the sides of his mouth. “Ben have a word with him, would you?” She called as he walked back over to the table with a tray of shots in his hand.</p><p>“What’s this?” Ben asked as he took his seat and began handing out the shots.</p><p>“Callum lost the bet and now, after giving it the big ‘I am’, he won’t even down his drink.” Jay explained to Ben.</p><p>“Rules are rules, Cal.” Ben said picking up the remainder of Callum’s pint and giving it to him.</p><p>“Listen, any other day I’d definitely be up for it – “ </p><p>“Yeah right.” Lola interrupted still mocking him, earning a slight glare from Callum.</p><p>“But I can’t be drunk tonight.” Callum explained, once again placing the pint down and looking up to see the empty expressions plastered on everyone’s faces. “It’s our anniversary. 18 months.”</p><p>“So?” Ben asked, confusion still filling his face.</p><p>“So,” Callum continued, “James is taking me out, proper fancy restaurant apparently.”</p><p>Ben felt his heart sink into his chest. For a second, he had blissfully forgotten all about James. It was times like this, when it was just the four of them, that Ben would imagine what life would have been like if he had just had the courage to tell Callum how he felt about him, if Ben had been good enough for Callum – but he wasn’t. Callum deserved better, Callum deserved happiness, he deserved James. Over the last year and a half Ben had learnt how to put on a smile, like the first time Callum had introduced him to James, the time Callum had told him James was his boyfriend, the time Callum told him that James was moving in. So that’s what Ben did.</p><p>“Fancy restaurant?” Ben smiled, “He does know it’s you he’s taking out?” He jokingly teased as he took a sip of his remaining pint.</p><p>“Ignore him.” Lola said as she gave Ben a knowing glance.</p><p>As the conversation started to flow again Callum’s phone began to ring in his pocket. James had a habit of doing this, he would never just walk into the pub and find their table, he would always ask Callum to go and meet him outside first, which Callum happily went along with. Watching Callum walk away to go and meet James, Ben reached for one of the shots he had just brought for the group.</p><p>“Don’t get lost on your way back.” He murmured, mimicking James’ reluctance to enter the pub alone.</p><p>“Oi!” Lola snapped, hearing Ben’s snide comment. “Be nice!”</p><p>“What? He ain’t here is he?” Ben replied sarcastically.</p><p>“Listen, I know you don’t like him, and trust me I’m not his biggest fan but he makes Callum happy so we need to accept him,” Lola said as Ben reached for another shot, “Especially seeing as though it looks like they’re both in it for the long haul.”</p><p>“I don’t understand your issue with him,” Jay began as he took a sip of his drink, “Seems nice enough.” </p><p>Ben didn’t reply to Jay, he just sat and downed the final shot that was left on the tray. Even if he did want to reply to Jay, he had absolutely no idea what words he would use to try and explain. How do you even begin to explain his situation? The situation alone makes Ben’s head spiral so god only knows what explaining it would be like. </p><p>“I’m going for a piss.” Ben said bluntly, standing up from the table.</p><p>“Charming.” Lola muttered as she watched him walk away.</p><p>On his return from the toilets, Ben ordered another shot from the bar in an attempt to handle the situation in the only way that felt right in his already hazy state. As he waited, he looked back towards the table only to notice Callum had returned with James and the two couples were sat laughing together. James had placed himself down in Ben’s seat next to Callum and had one hand resting on Callum’s leg, Callum looking incredibly happy. The smile Ben had once thought was reserved for him was plastered on his face as he listened to one of James’ stories from his day at work. Eventually, Ben made his way back over to the table as he felt the shot of alcohol he had just taken burn down his throat, waiting for it to numb the hurt he was feeling. </p><p>“Ben.” Callum said as he saw Ben approaching the group again. “Here, let me get you another chair.” Callum said as he went to stand up from his position before being stopped by James.</p><p>“It’s alright babe.” James smiled, “He can have my seat.” </p><p>Ben was initially shocked at his comment, it wasn’t that him and James had ever aired any dispute between them but there was usually some unsaid hostility most of the time, particularly from James.</p><p>“Really?” Ben asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” James continued, “We’d better be going anyway if we’re going to make that reservation.” </p><p>“Right.” Ben replied, disappointment slightly evident but quickly covered up when Ben noticed his façade was fading. “Don’t want to spend your anniversary with dumb and dumber, do you?” Ben tried to joke, poking fun at Jay and Lola. </p><p>“Drink up.” James directed Callum. His words cut through Ben as he listened to the way he talked to Callum. Ever since meeting him Ben had had a weird feeling about James. Nice enough. Jay’s words ran around in Ben’s mind. That’s what unsettled him so much about James, he was perfectly lovely most of the time but there were these moments, of which Ben felt he was the only one to notice, where the switch would flip and there was another side to him. Possessiveness? Jealousy? Control? Ben wasn’t sure whether he was right or if his feelings has caused him to create this other side of James. Not that it mattered anymore, all Ben truly cared about was Callum’s happiness and that’s what he was seeing – who was he to ruin that?</p><p>“Are you lot still going to Ruby’s grand reopening here on Friday?” Callum asked as he began to put his jacket on.</p><p>“Free bar?” Jay stated, “Try and stop me.”</p><p>With that Callum and James said their goodbye’s and walked out of the pub. As they did Ben saw James take Callum by the hand as they disappeared through the doors causing a sting of jealousy to wash over his body. </p><p>“Reckon we should go as well,” Lola began to say, “Promised Lexi we would get her from Honey’s before it went dark and we’re already cutting it a bit fine.” She continued to explain as she took the last sip of her drink.</p><p>“Yeah, fair enough.” Jay agreed, already tired from the full day at work he had already endured. “You coming mate?” </p><p>“Nah, you’re alright, I’m gonna stay and finish this.” Ben said with a small forced smile on his face, trying to keep up appearances. “Might come around later.”</p><p>He felt Lola place her hand on his shoulder, he knew that she knew what was wrong with him, she always had a way of reading him like a book. Nothing was said between them, nothing needed to be said, she just showed him that someone understood how he felt and reassured him that he wasn’t alone – that was all he needed in that moment.</p><p>“See you in a bit.” She said softly before her and Jay walked away, leaving Ben to drown his sorrows. </p><p> </p><p>As Ben sat there alone his mind began to wonder down memory lane, specifically to a night him and Callum had shared together in the pub two years ago. They weren’t there for any particular reason, they weren’t celebrating anything, it was just two mates drinking together on a Friday night after a mundane week. All night they had sat in the corner of the pub just having a laugh, being together had felt easy ever since they met, there was never any misunderstandings, no awkward silences, they just got each other and that was it. After a few hours and many drinks, they had made there way out into the square trying to find a kebab shop or something, anything to help them sober up a bit. </p><p>“You know when I was younger, I never thought I’d have a mate like you.” Callum said out of nowhere into to cold air that surrounded them. </p><p>“Woah, how much have you had? Didn’t know we were into the drunken realm of soppy yet.” Ben teased Callum, earning a small laugh from the older man.</p><p>“I’m being serious Ben,” Callum continued, a softness still in his voice, “It’s different with you, feel like I can tell you anything you know?”</p><p>“That’s because I’ve already done everything in the book,” Ben chuckled, still looking towards the floor as they continued to walk, “Ain’t exactly got room to judge you with everything I’ve done.”</p><p>“Why do you always do that?” Callum questioned.</p><p>“Do what?” Ben responded, confused.</p><p>“Never give yourself any credit, always put yourself down.” Callum answered, genuinely curious as to how Ben didn’t see himself the way Callum saw him.</p><p>“You’re right, I should give myself some credit,” Ben replied, a smile playing on his face, “I’ve managed to not scare you away yet.”</p><p>“Yeah well you don’t have to worry about that.” Callum said before looking back towards Ben, “I ain’t going anywhere.”</p><p>These words caused Ben to look up and meet Callum’s eyes with his own. There had been something special between them as soon as they had met and it had always scared Ben. The idea of allowing himself to be happy terrified him, it was bound to go wrong. That’s why Ben had kept Callum at a distance, to protect him, to save them both from anything ruining their friendship.</p><p>“Yeah?” Ben asked softly, allowing his vulnerability to shine through slightly.</p><p>“Yeah.” Callum smiled back, the pair exchanging a thousand unsaid words with just one look.</p><p>“Well,” Ben smiled, “Looks like we’re stuck with each other then.”</p><p>They stayed stood there for what felt like ages, each wondering whether the other was going to say the words they both hoped to hear but neither had the courage to take it that step further. After a few moments they carried on towards the takeaway, laughing and messing around like they usually would, just being together, just being happy. </p><p> </p><p>Before he knew it, Ben was dragged out of his thoughts by a figure appearing beside him and a familiar chuckle filling his ears.<br/>
Callum.</p><p>“Forgot my wallet.” He said, leaning over the table to grab it from the chair next to Ben.</p><p>“Shame.” Ben began to joke, “Was planning on getting a few rounds in with that.” He smirked, earning a smile from Callum.</p><p>“Where’s Jay and Lola?” Callum questioned noticing the lack of glasses on the table.</p><p>“Home. Gone to get Lexi.” Ben replied, focusing on the beer mat he was playing with in his hands, knowing looking at Callum would ruin his chances of covering his emotions. Unfortunately, Callum knew him better than anyone and he could easily see past the front Ben was faking. </p><p>“You alright?” Callum asked sincerely, noticing the slightly glazed look on Ben’s face. </p><p>“Yeah.” Ben tried his best to fake a gentle smile. “Have a good night.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Callum smiled back, taking a second to wonder whether to question Ben further before deciding not to as he could see how now was not the right time. “See you later.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Can't give too much away at the minute but I have a story in mind which will continue over a couple of chapters, hope you like what you've read so far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>18 months previously...</p><p>“It’s the perfect opportunity to tell him Ben!” Lola continued to plea as she followed Ben into the living room.</p><p>“Drop it Lola! You’re jumping to conclusions anyway.” Ben lied as continued looking for Lexi’s favourite toy. All day she had been trying to get Ben to admit how he felt about Callum. She always knew there was something between them but recently the little looks and the subtle comments they would make about each other were becoming too much for her to ignore.</p><p>“You have a thing for him, what’s the big deal?” She continued to question despite Ben’s reluctance to be honest with her.</p><p>“Listen, even if I did have a thing for him, which I don’t,” Ben began, trying his best to cover his back, “He’s too sweet for me, too… good.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lola further questioned, earning nothing but an eye roll from Ben. “You’re just lying to yourself – “</p><p>“Lexi!” Ben shouted upstairs, cutting Lola off. “Come down here!” </p><p>“Maybe a bit of good is what you need.” Lola said as she heard Lexi running downstairs. Something about her words made them circle round in Ben’s mind. All this time he had been worried about hurting Callum, about letting him down, but maybe Lola had a point. Was he scared of hurting Callum or just scared of letting himself be happy? Before he had time to give those words anymore consideration he was greeted with Lexi as she reached the bottom of the stairs.</p><p>“Ah madam!” Ben said as he walked over to her, “Now remember what we said about tonight?”</p><p>“Of course, I’m going for a sleepover at gran’s house whilst you and mum do boring adult things.” Lexi replied, confident in herself.</p><p>“That’s right princess,” Ben smiled, finding her naivety amusing, “Boring adult stuff.”</p><p>“Is Jay going mum?” Lexi asked as she started organising which toys she planned on taking that night.</p><p>“Yeah, why do you ask?” Lola replied.</p><p>“No reason.” Lexi replied before turning back to Ben, “What about Callum?” </p><p>“Err yeah I think so, why?” Ben responded, trying to ignore the inquisitive look on his daughter’s face.</p><p>“Will you tell him I said hi?” Lexi asked innocently. They hadn’t spent much time together but the odd time that they had, Lexi had become obsessed with Callum. He always listened to her mad stories, always joined in on her crazy games and never said no to buying her ice cream.</p><p>“Of course.” Ben smiled softly at her, thinking about how much he adored the bond that had formed between them. “Now go pack your bag darling, we’re going in half an hour.”</p><p>As he watched Lexi run back upstairs, he noticed Lola still looking towards him out the corner of his eye, waiting for him to continue their earlier conversation.</p><p>“I’ll think about it.” He said quietly before following Lexi upstairs to get her stuff together, his mind flooding with thoughts about the upcoming night out.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s open!” Callum called as he heard a knock on the office door of the funeral parlour. “Lola! Jay’s just gone on his break; he shouldn’t be too long.” </p><p>“I ain’t here to see Jay.” She responded, walking over and taking a seat on the side of his desk.</p><p>“Oh really?” Callum asked, abandoning his paperwork and giving her his full attention. “Is everything alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah of course,” Lola began, not sure how to initiate the conversation she had in mind. “Just came for a chat.”</p><p>“You came all this way, even though we’re going out together in a couple of hours, for a chat?” Callum asked, clearly suspicious of her motive.</p><p>“Yeah.” Lola tried to bluff, earning an eyebrow raise from Callum. “How are things with you? Your job? Stuart? Your love life…” </p><p>“I’m good, the job pays the bills, Stuart isn’t causing me to tear my hair out yet and my love life is currently on hold so if that’s everything – “Callum responded quickly before being interrupted by Lola.</p><p>“Is that because you’re not interested or is there someone else on your mind?” Lola hinted.</p><p>“What are you getting at Lola?” Callum asked, the confusion overwhelming him.</p><p>“Ben.” Lola said bluntly, accepting defeat in being subtle.</p><p>“Ben?” Callum replied.</p><p>“Yeah, you know, Ben, and you, you know, you and Ben.” She continued, hoping he would quickly make the connection she was referring to.</p><p>“What about me and Ben?” Callum tried to cover up the blush he could feel forming.</p><p>“Come on Callum! You two are always spending time together, and you get on so well and you’re always flirting with each other – “ </p><p>“Lola, Ben flirts with everyone.” Callum stated matter of factly.</p><p>“Yeah well I’ve known Ben a long time and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he's with you.” Lola told him, a sincerity filling her voice.</p><p>“You really think Ben has a thing for me?” Callum asked, a soft smile playing on his face.</p><p>“I’m sure of it.” Lola smirked back, noticing how smitten Callum was getting. As Callum went to reply he was met with a sudden hesitance to admit his feelings. He had often wondered whether the feelings were mutual, and there were moments where he was almost certain of it, but all too often he would be met with a doubt in his mind. There was always an underlying fear of rejection which had stopped him from being honest with Ben. After a few moments Lola noticed Callum was lost for words to say and decided to not make him feel any more awkward than he already did. </p><p>“No pressure, just see what happens tonight.” She smiled, “Who knows?”</p><p>With that Lola stood up from her position and left Callum to do his work, the thoughts of Ben swirling around his mind and an excitement for the evening ahead building within him.</p><p>“Who knows?” Callum smiled softly before returning to the paperwork in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“Right, who’s getting the first round in then?” Jay asked the group as they walked through the doors of the Prince Albert.</p><p>“I’ll get this one in before I get too drunk to remember the order.” Callum laughed before heading over to the bar.</p><p>“I’ll give you a hand.” Ben said as he followed Callum to the bar, urging Jay and Lola to go and find a table. As they settled in their position at the bar Ben decided to strike up a conversation, testing the
water on the mood Callum was in.</p><p>“New shirt? Who are you trying to impress?” He flirted.</p><p>“Who knows? Might meet the love of my life tonight.” Callum joked, hiding his shy smile that Ben’s compliment had caused.</p><p>“He might already be here.” Ben said without thinking, earning a surprised look from Callum. He quickly noticed what he had said and desperately tried to cover his back, “It’s packed in here tonight, the odds are in your favour.”</p><p>“Yeah you’re right.” Callum replied, attempting to act like Ben’s comment didn’t stir something inside of him. </p><p>“I’m just going to go to the toilet, won’t be long.” Ben said before walking away, thankful that he had thought of a way to get out of the situation that was quickly making him feel surprisingly flustered. After a few minutes of waiting for Ben, Callum noticed someone looking at him from the other end of the bar.</p><p>“Can I help you?” Callum asked, a curiosity filling his voice.</p><p>“You could tell me why someone as good looking as you is sat here alone.” The stranger replied as he walked over to where Callum was sat.</p><p>“I’m just waiting for my friend.” Callum smiled.</p><p>“Fancy some company whilst you do?” </p><p> </p><p>“Just tell him.” Ben told himself as he stared into the mirror. “Just tell him.”</p><p>He had spent the past 5 minutes in the same position, trying to build up the courage to just be honest with Callum. Deep down, Ben knew he was not going to be able to push his feelings for Callum away for the rest of his life, and everyday he kept it hidden the worse it would become. As the toilets became busier with other punters Ben gave himself one last reassuring look in the mirror and headed back out into the main room. </p><p>As Ben came back from the toilet his eyes found Callum on the other side of the room still sat at the bar waiting to order. However, as he began to approach him, he saw that he was not alone - Callum was joined another man. He was making Callum laugh. He was making him smile. He was making him happy. Suddenly all the confidence Ben had just built up was destroyed. This is what Callum deserved, he thought, someone who isn’t messed up, someone who isn’t going to mess him up, someone he deserved and someone that deserved him. As Ben stood there, he found it increasingly more difficult to watch, all hope of what he had planned disappeared right in front of him. Callum didn’t want him. That was that. He held back the tear that he could feel forming and headed straight over to the tray of shots he could see in his line of vision. Drink. Forget. Escape. That’s all Ben wanted to do. </p><p> </p><p>As the night continued Callum found himself unable to find Ben and with Jay and Lola off having time alone, he found himself with no better option than to sit and have a drink with the handsome stranger. They sat and drank together for a while, just talking about the usual stuff, getting to know each other. He seemed nice; he was charming, friendly, good looking, but that didn’t matter to Callum. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get Ben off of his mind. Ever since Lola had come into his work that day, Ben was all he could think about. If he was being honest with himself, ever since meeting Ben he was all that he could think about. He wasn’t sure if it was the Lola, the alcohol or his inability to hide it any longer but whilst talking to the mysterious new man, Callum decided it was time to tell Ben exactly how he felt. He just had to. After a while the man made a proposition to Callum.</p><p>“I know this really nice bar a few streets away if you wanted to join me for a few there?” The mysterious man offered.</p><p>“Listen,” Callum hesitated, “It’s been really nice chatting to you but I think I need to go and find my friend.” </p><p>“Shame. I was starting to enjoy myself.” The man replied. “See you around yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Callum replied half-heartedly, eager to go and find Ben.</p><p>As he got up from his seat his eyes immediately started scanning the room, he could easily spot Jay and Lola, they were 5 shots and 2 cocktails down each and were making full use of the dancefloor. After a few minutes of looking around the room Callum was about to text Ben and check if he had gone home however something stopped him dead in his tracks. As he went to pull out his phone, he noticed a familiar figure in the corner of the room. Ben. But he wasn’t alone. Callum’s heart sunk as he saw Ben kissing some random bloke, all the excitement he had felt fleeing his chest, leaving nothing but emptiness. How could he have been so naïve, he thought. He could feel all his doubts mocking him in his head as he turned away from the scene before him; he felt so stupid. Before he knew it he found himself back at the table he had just spent the past hour at, not knowing why he was doing it but not having the care to question himself at this moment.</p><p>“Changed your mind?” The stranger asked as he noticed Callum stood before him once again. Callum spent a moment processing his thoughts, taking one last glance towards Ben before turning back to the new man.</p><p>“Why not?” He replied, gutted but trying to hide his emotions. “I’m Callum by the way.”</p><p>“James.” The stranger said before guiding Callum out of the bar.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where are you off to?” Callum asked as he noticed James putting his coat on, “Thought you didn’t have work today?” </p><p>“I don’t.” James explained as he started looking around the flat for his keys, “Going shopping.”</p><p>“But we’ve got loads of food in.” Callum responded, pointing to the cupboards he had filed not even 2 days earlier with more food than he could ever imagine them needing.</p><p>“Clothes shopping,” He corrected Callum as he continued the search for his keys. “Can’t find my favourite shirt and I need something to wear for Ruby’s thing.”</p><p>“The one with the stripes?” Callum asked earning a quick nod from James, “I swear I saw it in the wardrobe the other day?” Callum said as he walked into their bedroom to double check.</p><p>As he walked across the room to the wardrobe, he felt a blunt object beneath his foot, however when he looked towards the floor, he was not expecting what lay before him. The keyring. Ben’s keyring. Despite the confusion he was feeling Callum couldn’t help the smile that was forming on his face as he recalled the day they had spent together all those months ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you think it's a bit early on in the friendship to commit to matching keyrings?” Ben flirted, laughing at the ridiculousness of Callum’s suggestion.</p><p>“Come on Ben, it’ll be fun!” The pair had found a quirky shop in the middle of the London which was selling all sorts of rubbish and although he hated to admit it, little bits of tat were Callum’s guilty pleasure – it was something about the memories attached to them that he couldn’t resist.</p><p>“I’m not having people seeing that thing every time I pull my keys out at work, I’ll be a laughing stock!” Ben protested, a smile still playing on his face, enjoying how serious Callum seemed to feel about the situation. </p><p>“Fine.” Callum said picking one up from the shelf, they were the tackiest looking trinkets either of them had ever seen. “I’m getting one anyway.”</p><p>“If it means that much to you, I’ll get one as well.” Ben replied, earning a smile from Callum, “There’s no way I’m putting it on my keys though, it can live in my pocket.”</p><p>“Can’t go ruining your image, can we?” Callum teased as he finished paying for the keyrings and handed Ben’s back to him.</p><p>“Just want you to know, this is the weirdest thing you’ve ever done.” Ben remarked as he turned to leave the shop before Callum could spot anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Bending down to pick up the souvenir Callum noticed something strange in the corner of his eye. The box. Chris’ box. Callum had hidden the box under their bed from the moment James had moved into the flat, never to this day mentioning him to James. There was something so unbelievably special about those letters that Callum didn’t want to taint by sharing them with him – they were a secret he shared only with Chris. Obviously, there had been times when he had wanted to be open with James about them but there was always something holding him back from doing so, a little voice inside his head telling him it wasn’t the right time.</p><p>The only person Callum had confided in about Chris was Ben and even that he didn’t see that coming. He had known Ben for about a year by that point and he had gotten ridiculously drunk. Before he knew it, he was sat in the park in the middle of the night with Ben comforting him whilst he let all his emotions pour out. Even still, Ben had only ever heard about the letters, he had never seen them. </p><p>What caught his eye more than anything was the lid, Callum always made sure the lid was perfectly back on the box whenever he had looked in it, it was his way of keeping them safe and secret. But as he looked upon the scene in front of him, he noticed the lid was just balancing steadily on top. Quickly, Callum brought the box closer to him to inspect the situation properly but as he did, he felt his heart sink into his chest – they were gone. All of them.</p><p>Standing up, Callum frantically began searching around the room for where they could be, where he could have left them. The wardrobe. The cupboard. The shelves. They were no where to be found. Panic had well and truly set in within Callum and he could feel tears begin to form in his eyes. How could he have lost them?</p><p>“Found it yet?” Callum heard James shout from the living room. The sound of James’ voice brought Callum out of his spiralling thoughts and quickly, Callum put the lid of the now near empty box and shoved it deep under the bed. As he tried to compose himself, he grabbed the shirt from the wardrobe and hung it on the bedroom door.</p><p>“Right next to your Christmas jumper.” Callum responded as he re-emerged from the bedroom. “Left it out for you so you don’t lose it again.”</p><p>“You okay babe?” James asked as he took his coat off once again, noticing the look of confusion that was spread across Callum’s face. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Callum said with a fake smile, “Listen I’ve just got to go out for a bit, I won’t be long.” </p><p>“Okay.” James smiled as Callum leant over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.</p><p>With that Callum grabbed his keys off the counter and headed for the car lot. </p><p> </p><p>Walking through the square Callum tried to rack his brain to try and remember what he had done with the letters, desperately trying to recall the last time he had read them and where he had placed them. </p><p>Nothing was making sense in his mind, there is no way he would’ve been so careless with them. As he approached the car lot, he noticed Ben finishing off a deal with a customer and so waited in the square, watching Ben doing what he does best. </p><p>“Halfway!” Callum heard a familiar voice call him from across the street and looking up he saw Mick approaching him. “How’ve you been? Haven’t seen your boat in ages.”</p><p>“Can’t complain.” Callum lied as Mick pulled him in for a hug, “How about you? After everything with the Vic and that?”</p><p>“We’re getting by you know, day by day,” Mick responded, a real sense of honesty filling his voice, “We had to do what we had to do.”</p><p>Callum knew how hard giving up the pub had been for Mick, ever since being on the square he had seen how much Mick loved working behind the bar every single day, it was his whole life, it was all he knew. “You’re a good man, Mick.”</p><p>"At the end of the day, you’ve got to put the one you love first.” Mick began, looking back towards Linda who he had left browsing through the markets. “Anyway, I won’t keep you. Will I see you at the grand re-opening?”</p><p>“You’re going?” Callum asked, shocked that Mick would be wanting to go.</p><p>“Of course!” He smiled, “Got to witness the start of the new era.”</p><p>“I’ll see you there then.” Callum replied. </p><p>With that Mick returned to Linda who was now fully immersed in the market stalls and Callum made his way over to the car lot where Ben had now finished dealing with his customer. As he opened the door he saw Ben sat at his desk, leaning back with his feet on the table and his head thrown back against the chair.</p><p>“Alright?” Callum said causing Ben to jump in his seat.</p><p>“Sorry, was in my own little world.” Ben smiled as he composed himself and sat properly in his chair. “Me though? Apart from the fact I’ve just had a customer waste half an hour of my life, Jay has pulled a sicky and Lola has told me she can’t make the school run I’m tickety-boo.”</p><p>“That bad a day?” Callum asked as sat down on the chair opposite Ben’s, Ben just shrugging his shoulders in response as if to say he had expected nothing less.</p><p>“Anyway,” Ben began, leaning forward in his seat. “What brings you here? Thought it was lover boy’s day off?” He teased.</p><p>“It is.” Callum said, pulling the key ring from his pocket, “I found this in the flat.”</p><p>“I’ve been looking for – “ Ben said, taking it back off Callum causing Callum’s eyebrows to raise at Ben’s eagerness.</p><p>“I mean… I thought I might have lost it.” Ben corrected himself, trying to seem less precious about the object.</p><p>“Course you did.” Callum smiled, finding Ben’s embarrassment amusing.</p><p>The pair sat in a comfortable silence for a moment or so, Callum wondering whether to confide in Ben about all the chaos that was running around in his mind. He felt like his mind was going to explode or that he could burst into tears at any moment and the only person he knew would truly understand was sat opposite him.</p><p>“How was the anniversary?” Ben asked, breaking the silence, trying to hide his jealousy.</p><p>“Er yeah it was nice.” Callum replied, taken aback by Ben’s interest. “Bit posh for me but that’s James’ kind of thing so I don’t really mind.”</p><p>“Well if you ever need someone to hang out in a grubby pub with you, you don’t need to look any further.” Ben commented, partly joking and partly hoping for Callum to take him up on the offer. Recently, ever since James had moved in with Callum, he found it increasingly difficult to find any time for him and Callum to just hang out like they used to, James was always in the picture. </p><p>“Sounds good to me.” Callum smiled softly, secretly hoping Ben’s offer was genuine. “Listen Ben, can I talk to you about something?” </p><p>“Of course.” Ben could notice the desperation in Callum’s voice.</p><p>“It’s just –“ </p><p>It was in that moment that Callum noticed something which shocked him beyond belief. He felt as if he could have thrown up there and then. This was all too much to handle. As he glanced around the room trying to think of the right words to say, his eyes landed upon something familiar hidden on the shelf behind Ben – the letters.</p><p>“How could you?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know in the comments what you think of the story so far, it's only just beginning!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What?” Ben asked as he noticed the expression on Callum’s face change.</p><p>“I can’t believe this.” Callum felt the betrayal cut through him like a knife as he tried to process what was happening. “I trusted you.”</p><p>“I’m not following you.” Ben said calmly, trying to understand what Callum was referring to.</p><p>“The letters.” Callum stated sternly, feeling the anger building inside of him.</p><p>“What letters?” Ben looked around, desperately trying to find whatever Callum was talking about.</p><p>“Chris’ letters.” Callum replied causing Ben to stop searching his desk and look Callum in the eye. “Sound familiar?”</p><p>“W- what about them?” Ben stuttered as he noticed the look of hurt in Callum’s eyes and continued to think about what could have possibly made Callum be like this.</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Callum laughed in disbelief before pointing to the shelf behind Ben, his demeanour quickly changing back to the angered state he had just been in, “They’re behind you.”</p><p>As soon as he said this Ben turned around to look at his shelves, his eyes immediately landing upon an unfamiliar pile of paper placed amongst the jumble of paperwork.</p><p>“Callum, I swear I – “Ben tried to speak as Callum walked over and grabbed the letters.</p><p>“I trusted you!” Callum interrupted him, the pain he was feeling evident in his voice, “How could you?”</p><p>“I didn’t Callum, you’ve got to believe me.” Ben begged. He had never seen Callum like this in all the time they had known each other, he was so hurt, so angry, so distraught – Ben couldn’t stand it.</p><p>“Stop lying to me!” Callum shouted, the rage within him becoming too much to contain as Ben continued to deny his actions. “You’re the only one who knows about them! The only one Ben.”</p><p>“Callum please.” Ben pleaded as he felt a small lump forming at the back of his throat. “I wouldn’t –“</p><p>The sound of something falling to the floor interrupted Ben in his attempted explanation and caused the two men to look at what had caused the noise. Looking down at the floor beneath him Callum saw a set of keys that had slipped from between the letters he was holding – James’ keys. In that moment everything clicked together in Callum’s mind. He bent down to pick up the set, double checking they were what he thought they were – the confirmation sending a further shock of pain through his heart.</p><p>“When did you get these?” Callum asked quietly, feeling like he had no more energy left in him.</p><p>“I don’t even know where they came from.” Ben hastily tried to explain himself.</p><p>“Save it.” Callum replied as he turned to leave the car lot, unable to face Ben any longer.</p><p>“Wait, Callum wait – “Ben shot up from his seat and grabbed Callum’s arm in an attempt to stop him leaving.</p><p>“Why did you do it?” Callum asked as the pair now stood face to face, his desperation to understand Ben’s actions the only thing stopping him from leaving.</p><p>“You really believe that I did this?” Ben could feel the tears forming in his eyes as his voice weakened. “Callum I would never – “He tried to reach out for his arm but before he could Callum flinched out of his grasp.</p><p>“You know how much these mean to me, how much he – “Callum began to say, Ben hearing the cry in Callum’s voice that he was trying to hold back.</p><p>“You think I don’t know how it feels to lose someone?” Ben could feel an anger building in the pit of his stomach as Callum continued doubting him but he tried his best to suppress it, knowing his temper would only make the situation a thousand times worse.</p><p>Ben had confided in Callum so many times about Paul. Whenever he was really missing him. Whenever the guilt returned. Whenever he needed someone to just talk about him to – Callum had always been there. The first time Ben had talked to him about Paul was the anniversary of his death, Ben had gotten ridiculously drunk and Callum found him slumped against the wall outside the flat, a near empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. That night Ben opened up to Callum about everything he felt, the pain, the grief, the emptiness, and Callum did all Ben needed him to – he listened. Never judging or sharing what he had said with anyone – it was something Ben didn’t know he needed until it happened. After everything, how could Callum think he could do this?</p><p>“That’s what I don’t understand, Ben.” Callum replied, sounding defeated, the confusion of the whole situation feeling like too much. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”</p><p> “You really think I could do that to someone that I – “Ben stopped himself in his tracks before he was able to finish that sentence.</p><p>“Someone you what?” He questioned, part of him secretly urging Ben to finish his sentence yet all he was met with was silence – a silence that filled the room. </p><p>“I can’t handle this.” Callum muttered, snapping out of the moment before turning around and leaving the car lot, heading back across the square.</p><p>Almost immediately after Callum disappeared form the car lot Ben felt the frustration, he had been holding back reach boiling point and before he knew it, he was trashing the office. The paperwork that was stacked neatly on Jay’s desk was now scattered across the floor and the chair that had stood beside Ben was now lying on the floor on the other side of the room. After his outburst Ben felt his body give in from under him as he fell against the wall and landed on the ground beneath him. Unable to hold back his tears any longer Ben reached up and locked the portacabin, needing to be alone. In just a few moments, everything he could rely on had fallen apart in front of him and it was too much to handle. </p><p> </p><p>Callum wiped the tears from his cheeks that had fallen on his walk home. All he wanted to do was run away and forget about everything he had just experienced but something inside of him mustered up the strength to carry on - to fake a smile and pretend like nothing had happened.</p><p>Taking one last deep breath Callum unlocked the door and headed back up to the flat. As he walked in, he was greeted with James sat on the sofa watching some documentary on the TV, only noticing Callum when he threw his jacket down onto the counter.</p><p>“Didn’t hear you come in?” James acknowledged Callum whilst he continued watching his programme. “Where’ve you been?”</p><p>“Found your keys.” Callum quickly said throwing them on the coffee table next to James before heading into the bathroom, struggling to hold back the tears that he could feel forming once again. </p><p>A million emotions were rushing through his body; his whole world has turned upside and he didn’t know how to cope with it. Ben had always been the person he found comfort in, he was the one person he trusted with his secret and suddenly that had been ripped away from him. His emotions jumped from pain to betrayal to confusion before landing on anger as that burning ball of rage reappeared within him. Before he knew it, he had pulled his phone out of pocket and sent a message he never thought he would,</p><p>You stay away from me from now on. We’re done.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bit of a shorter chapter this time but let me know what you think in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's the day of Ruby's grand re-opening but not everything goes to plan...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ben come on, get ready!” Lola was becoming increasingly frustrated as Ben continued to ignore her demands and stayed lay on the sofa, mindlessly watching the TV. “Ruby said anyone who’s there when the doors open is guaranteed a free drink.” However, Ben continued to act as if Lola was not even in the room causing her to lose her patience, “Ben!”</p><p>“Give it a rest Lola!” He shouted back, sick of her constant nagging, “You’re Lexi’s mother not mine, remember?” </p><p>“You told Ruby you’d be there.” She replied, trying to ignore Ben’s snarky comment. Something had been wrong with Ben for a few days now, he had been grumpier than usual and whenever anyone tried to talk to him, they were met with nothing but sarcastic comments – even Lexi. “If you’re not ready soon we’re leaving without you.” </p><p>With that, Lola turned around and went back upstairs to finish styling her hair and finish her makeup, leaving Ben to continue wallowing on the sofa. All he could think about was Callum, it’s all he could think about ever since their conversation in the car lot. His head jumped between what he should have said, what he should have done, how any of it had even happened in the first place and a thousand other thoughts but regardless of whichever path his mind took he always ended up in the same place, remembering the look on Callum’s face – the pain that had filled it. </p><p>The buzzing of Ben’s phone pulled him out of his thoughts before he looked to read the text he had been sent.</p><p>Jay: Just bumped into Callum whilst dropping Lexi off at Billy’s, he said they’ll meet us at the pub at half 7. </p><p>This caused Ben to read over that text he had received from Callum whilst he was collapsed on the car lot floor, surrounded by the chaos he had created. We’re done. He could hear Callum’s voice through the words on the screen when he first read it, a rush of disbelief and heartbreak soaring through his entire body. Since that moment Ben had felt a sense of emptiness within him that he couldn’t ignore no matter how hard he tried. </p><p>As he continued to lie there, a realisation suddenly washed over ben; he could either stay at home and continue to be consumed by his endless self-hatred or he could do the one thing he really wanted to do in that moment. </p><p>Drink. Forget. Escape.</p><p>“Lola!” He shouted as he rose from his position and headed upstairs. “I’ll be half an hour.” </p><p> </p><p>“How’d I look?” James confidently asked Callum as he emerged from their bedroom.</p><p>“I suppose you’ll do.” Callum teased him as he walked over and gave him a quick kiss. “We best go soon, I told Jay we’d meet them at half 7, that’s alright with you ain’t it?” </p><p>“Fine by me.” James replied as he began to search for his belongings to take. “You’re feeling much better then, I take it?”</p><p>Since their argument Callum had been absorbed by his overwhelming feelings of sadness and betrayal. His mind constantly ran over everything he had discovered that day and since then a thousand more questions had filled his head. He still couldn’t process what Ben had done. He still couldn’t believe it. </p><p>Something in him didn’t want to tell James about what Ben had done, not just the fact he didn’t want him to know there were things he had only shared with Ben, but more so he didn’t want to admit to anyone else what had happened – he didn’t want it to feel real. For the past few days Callum had told James that he had felt unwell: headaches, tiredness, sickness – anything that meant he didn’t have to see or speak to anyone. </p><p>Initially he had planned to avoid going to the pub that night but something had awoken within him that morning. Why should he be the one to stay at home? Why should he miss out? At first, he had wondered whether his message to Ben was too harsh but whenever he started to doubt himself, he was reminded of the rage that had filled his stomach when he first saw the letters. He didn’t want to see Ben. He couldn’t handle it. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah much better.” Callum replied, trying to cover up the thoughts that were still circling his mind.</p><p>“Good.” James smiled as he picked up his wallet. “Don’t want you missing out on all the fun.”</p><p>“You ready to go then?” Callum asked as he picked up his jacket, trying to hide his amusement at James’ use of the word fun. Everything about the night ahead could result in a disaster.</p><p>“Sure.” James said as he grabbed Callum’s hand and lead him out of the flat. </p><p> </p><p>As Ben entered the pub followed by Lola and Jay, he instantly spotted Callum and James sat at their usual table, talking away to each other, neither noticing them as they walked into the room. Just seeing Callum made Ben instantly want to run away and hide instead of facing the man he was pretty sure hated his guts.</p><p>“I’m just going to the toilet; I’ll see you in a minute.” Ben excused himself as he headed towards the toilets, desperate to avoid Callum seeing him. </p><p>Jay and Lola headed to the bar to claim their free drink before heading over and sitting with the couple who were now deep into their conversation. </p><p>“Alright?” Callum asked as the pair sat down.</p><p>“Better now I’ve got this.” Jay joked as he took a sip of his pint.</p><p>“No Ben?” James questioned with a slight sense of hope in his voice as he noticed his absence. </p><p>“He’s just gone to the toilet; He won’t be long.” Lola replied, taking her jacket off. </p><p>Callum suddenly felt his stomach flip at the thought of seeing Ben again, when he first noticed Jay and Lola stood at the bar and noticed Ben’s absence he was overcome with conflicting emotions. He was relived he didn’t have to face him, yet disappointed that he wasn’t there. He was happy that he could relax about the evening, but gutted to think he had made Ben feel so isolated. It was as if his head and his heart were having a screaming match inside of him and he wasn’t sure who should win. </p><p> </p><p>Ben stood in the toilets, once again looking at himself in the mirror. He knew he couldn’t hide in there forever but currently he was finding it impossible to think of any alternative. He thought he was strong enough to face Callum, confident enough in himself that he had done nothing wrong but as soon as he laid eyes upon him all the emotions, everything he had felt the other day came flooding back to him. He felt like a coward. A broken man. After a few moments of trying to build up enough courage to go and sit with the group he came to the realisation his efforts were hopeless, he would never be able to face Callum, especially not when his ‘oh-so-perfect’ boyfriend was sat there, showing Ben everything he could provide Callum that Ben couldn’t. He decided to go home. He decided to get drown his sorrows elsewhere. He decided to run away. Or at least that’s what he decided before he noticed the unguarded door to the back of the pub.</p><p>Quickly, Ben sneaked through the swinging doors and noticed a crate filled to the brim with bottles of alcohol – exactly what he needed in this moment. Looking once more to check no one had noticed him, Ben stole a bottle for himself and went to leave the pub. However, as he went to turn around, he noticed a figure through the glass on the other side of the door.</p><p>“I don’t care Max, I told you one free drink per person, you can’t just go giving away free booze to your mates just to show off.” Ruby. In a panic, Ben ran upstairs to cover his actions and entered the deserted living room, shutting the door behind him and locking away the world as he prepared to slip into a drunken haze. </p><p> </p><p>“Where is he?” Jay asked looking around the now extremely busy pub in a hope of locating Ben. It had been the best part of an hour since they had arrived and neither of them had heard anything from him.</p><p>“I told you,” Lola began to say as she finished taking the sip of her drink, “He’ll have gone home, you saw what he was like earlier.”</p><p>“What was he like?” James asked, intrigued by Lola’s statement.</p><p>“Moody, as per. More than usual in fact, he’s probably gone off sulking.” Instantly upon hearing Lola’s response Callum felt a wave of guilt flush over him. There was no doubt in his mind that what Lola was describing was the result of his actions, of everything he had said to him. </p><p>“Callum has been feeling a bit rough these past few days haven’t you babe?” James began, “Maybe he’s caught something similar.” He finished, looking towards Callum for reassurance that his claim was valid, only earning a little nod from Callum. </p><p>“Whatever it is, hope he snaps out of it, he’s being a nightmare.” Jay added to the conversation before standing up from his seat, “Anyone want another?” He asked the group before heading over to the bar, taking an order from the table.</p><p>“You want to go as well?” James asked jokingly, nudging Callum gently on the arm.</p><p>“What?” Callum replied, taken aback slightly by James’ suggestion. “No, what makes you think that?”</p><p>“That.” James answered, gesturing towards the pair of keys that Callum had in his hand. He hadn’t even noticed what he had been doing but as he followed James’ indication, he saw that he was absentmindedly messing with his keys, more specifically his keyring. </p><p>“Sorry,” Callum smiled, placing his keys back into his jacket pocket, “Force of habit.”</p><p>Luckily, Callum thought, Lola interjected the moment with a story about some woman in the playground that day who had been really rude, or at least that’s what Callum gathered from the story. He tried to focus on the night but his mind kept wondering back to one thing. Ben. </p><p> </p><p>Ben wasn’t sure how long he had been hidden away upstairs, for all he know it could have been hours or minutes, all he did know was that he had seen off half a bottle of vodka already. As he began to feel the alcohol in his veins, the sadness he had been drowned by earlier was being numbed by the sweet release of his drunken state. However, as those feelings began to fade, a whole new wave of emotion entered his body. Looking around he examined how much his old home had changed over the years, everything was different from the furniture to the wallpaper to the smell but there was something about it that still reminded him of all those childhood years he had spent there. </p><p>Taking another large swig from the bottle, Ben’s mind reluctantly took a trip down memory lane. Poor little messed up Ben. Ben the disappointment. Ben the helpless. Ben the unwanted. It felt as if every single bit of worthlessness he had felt as a child was being heightened and forced upon him and before he knew it, he could feel tears running down his cheeks. </p><p>The sound of the fun happening in the pub had mostly faded into the distance for Ben in his state however as he continued to drown his sorrows, he began to hear a commotion coming from downstairs. </p><p> </p><p>“Can’t get over how busy it is in here tonight!” Lola smiled as she observed the crowded room.</p><p>“Ruby must be over the moon.” James agreed, finishing off his drink before turning to face Callum. “It’s your round.” </p><p>“Right then, who wants another?” Callum asked, grabbing his wallet as he saw all three hands shoot up in the air, all four of them heading towards a good state of intoxication. He headed towards the bar and stood waiting to be served. He had managed to push Ben to the back of his mind slightly as the night had continued, the alcohol helping him forget about the guilt he had been feeling earlier. He knew he needed to speak to Ben properly, hear him out, just not right now, he just needed time. </p><p>“Be with you in a minute halfway.” Shirley said as she walked past Callum. He found it amazing that Ruby had kept her working behind the bar as she was not what he would call the friendliest of staff. </p><p>However, as Callum looked up to reply to her he noticed something in the corner of his eye. </p><p>“Oh my god.” He muttered from shock as he noticed the flame burning in the back room of the bar, quickly heading towards the crate of booze. “EVERYBODY OUT.” </p><p>The sound of his voice reaching the room Ben was tucked away in, catching his attention immediately.</p><p>“THERE’S A FIRE! EVERYBODY – “</p><p>Suddenly Callum’s voice was drowned out by the massive explosion which filled the room. </p><p>Flames roared. Panic ensued. Disaster kicked in...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So disaster has well and truly began, let me know what you think in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the sound of the explosion lifted from the room, it was immediately replaced with deafening screams.</p><p>“Everyone out!” Max shouted, ushering everyone out from behind the bar, “Everyone out now!” </p><p>Callum could feel his heart beating at a million miles an hour as the ringing that had filled his ears began to fade, only to be replaced by the roaring sound of the fire which was quickly spreading. He could faintly hear someone calling his name through the crowd of people but he was unable to locate the source through the rising smoke that was filling the room. As Callum started to head for the door, he noticed a crouched figure on the floor next to him.</p><p>“Tiff?” He shouted, getting down on her level, noticing her disposition, “Tiff come on we’ve got to go.” He could feel everyone rushing past him, desperate to escape the hell that had ensued but as he looked upon Tiffany, she was almost frozen in shock, tears streaming down her cheeks and fear filling her eyes. “Come on darling.” Callum said as he helped her up from the floor, wrapping his arm around her and guiding her towards the door. </p><p>As he entered into the daylight, he was greeted by so many people all hoping their loved ones would be the next to emerge from the burning building. Quickly yet carefully, he walked Tiffany over to the bench in the square in an attempt to help calm her down.</p><p>“Callum?” He heard a familiar voice shout before looking up and seeing Whitney running towards the pair from her house, “Tiff? What’s happened?” She asked panicked, looking up to Callum for answers as she began comforting Tiffany. </p><p>“I – I don’t know, Whit,” He began to stutter as he looked back towards the pub, “Everything was fine and then it just, I don’t know, it just – “ </p><p>“Callum,” He felt Whitney’s touch on his arm, “Breathe.”</p><p>“Right.” He said, taking her advice in an attempt to bring himself back down to Earth. “Listen, I should go see if anyone needs help, she’ll be alright just stay with her.” He said gesturing towards Tiff, a reassuring smile on his face for Whitney who was looking increasingly more worried every second, before running back towards the gathering crowd outside the Vic. </p><p>“Callum!” James called as he ran over to him and pulled him into a desperate hug, “Are you okay? I couldn’t find you.” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He said as he returned the hug, “You?”</p><p>“We’re all okay.” Lola said, stood huddled into to Jay. </p><p>“Good,” Callum replied, pulling back from the embrace, “I’m gonna see if anyone needs help.”</p><p>Before he could walk away, he felt James’ hand on his, stopping him in his tracks, “You’re what?” </p><p>“I’m going to help.” Callum said clearly, assuming the only reason for James’ confusion was not hearing what he had said.</p><p>“It’s not safe.” James replied instantly, his grip on Callum’s hand tightening. “Stay with me.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine.” Callum said, pulling his hand away from James’ reach as he continued to head over to the crowd, disappointing in his boyfriends’ attitude. </p><p>“Bruv!” Stuart pulled Callum into a tight embrace, squeezing any oxygen he had left out of his body, “You had me worried for a second there.”</p><p>“I’m fine.” Callum replied, aware of how worried Stuart gets about him.</p><p>“I said so you know,” Stuart began to say, instantly losing Callum with his rambling, “Told Rainie, the beer tasted funny, no wonder the place went up like that with that dodgy stuff on the go I’m telling you – “</p><p>“Not now Stu.” Callum cut him off, shaking his head at his brother’s ridiculousness.</p><p>“Has anyone called the fire brigade?” Max shouted as he walked around the crowd, checking everyone was okay, or as okay as they could be. “Anyone?”</p><p>“They’re on their way.” Mick called back before shouting once again, “Does anyone know if anyone’s still inside?” </p><p>“I think I was the last one out, pretty sure it was empty.” Jack shouted back as he sat comforting Denise on the floor.</p><p>A thought suddenly shot through Callum’s head as he watched on at the scenes before him. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Callum quickly found Ben’s contact in his phone and dialled his number, unable to stop himself from checking on him. No answer. Voicemail. </p><p>He’ll be fine, Callum reassured himself, Ben’s already gone.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as the explosion hit Ben was knocked out, the intensity of the sound rendering him unconscious. The bottle of vodka continued to empty as it lay in Ben’s hands as he lay there unaware of the danger surrounding him. The flames had crept their way up the stairs and were heading towards the living room in which Ben was hiding. As the fire commenced the smoke it had created started to seep into Ben’s surroundings, covering the room in a foggy cloud. </p><p>After a while, Ben found himself coming around once again, the heat instantly hitting him as he realised what had happened. His head was pounding, his ears were ringing and he felt as if he was choking on the air he breathed. Within a few seconds, panic had well and truly set in within Ben as he noticed the glow coming from behind the door to the landing. He pulled himself from the ground, covering his mouth with his jacket, and staggered over to the doorway, his entire body feeling incredibly weak. As he gripped the handle, he felt the heat of the burning metal attack his hand and he pulled the door open as quick as possible.</p><p>When he opened the door, he was met with a violent flame taking over the entire room: the stairs, the walls, the ceiling – everywhere was alight. The shock of this sight caused Ben to breathe in more smoke from the flames, causing him to cough relentlessly as he tried to think of a way out. After a few attempts of seeking a way out, Ben realised there was no chance of him making it out, and even if he did, he had no idea of the danger that lay past the staircase. With no hope of escape Ben retreated into the living room and slammed the door behind him, trying to save himself as much time as possible. <br/>Ben wasn’t sure whether it was the fear, the alcohol or the smoke he had inhaled but all of a sudden, he found himself feeling incredibly lightheaded and before he knew it, he was once again lay on the floor, unable to move from weakness. As he felt the tears begin to form in his eyes, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried to read the screen with his increasingly blurred vision.</p><p>Callum: 4 missed call(s). </p><p>With the last bit of energy that he could find, he dialled Callum’s number before drifting into oblivion.</p><p> </p><p>“Here you go, Shirl.” Callum offered, handing her a glass of water from the tray Sonia had brought from her house. </p><p>“Think of need something stronger.” She mumbled as she took the drink from him before looking on at the burning building, “Thanks Halfway.”</p><p>Looking around Callum observed the devastation surrounding him; Ruby was in floods of tears as she watched her new home be slowly destroyed, Jay and Lola heading to Kathy’s wanting to be with Lexi, <br/>Stuart and Rainie sat alongside many other familiar faces he was used to seeing everyday but each one now had a certain sombre aura about them – a vast contrast to the happiness he had witnessed what only felt like a few moments ago. Towels were being handed out as well as water, Sonia was seeing to first aid and Mick was double checking that everyone was okay – Callum felt useless. </p><p>“Cal, come on, the fire brigade will be here soon, there’s nothing more we can do.” James said gently, a hand landing on Callum’s shoulder.</p><p>“But – “</p><p>“Callum.” James stopped him, “Let’s go home.”</p><p>Callum couldn’t muster up the energy to fight him on this one, if he was being honest, he felt so overwhelmed by the entire situation a good rest at home was exactly what he needed right now. He glanced back and took one last look towards the disastrous scene before turning back to walk down the street back towards the flat, James guiding him with his arm around his shoulder. Just as were walking under the bridge Callum felt his phone buzzing and instantly pulled it from his pocket, answering instantly when he saw who the call was from. </p><p>“Ben?” He asked, hearing nothing from the other side of the call. “Ben, you alright?”</p><p>“Callum?” Ben was quiet down the phone, the breathlessness causing him to barely be able to speak. </p><p>“Ben?” Callum replied after hearing Ben’s voice.</p><p>“Upstairs.” Ben mumbled into the phone. “I’m upstairs.”</p><p>Callum instantly turned back and laid his eyes back upon the burning pub, a terror filling his eyes as he began to realise the horror that Ben’s words held. </p><p>“Help.” With that the line went dead and Callum was left stood staring towards the scene before him.</p><p>“Oh my god.” Callum muttered trying to resist the overpowering feeling to be sick that rushed over him after what he had just discovered. “He’s inside.”</p><p>“Callum?” James questioned, grabbing Callum’s arm once again and stopping Callum from running back to the pub. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“I’ve got to help him.” Callum exclaimed, desperation clear in his voice and tears evident in his eyes. </p><p>“Callum, the fire brigade is on its way.” James continued to argue, his agitation rising in his voice as he retained his hold on Callum.</p><p>“What? So, I should let him burn?” Callum mocked James’ words, trying to walk away but still failing to. </p><p>“HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!” James erupted.</p><p>“I AM NOT LEAVING HIM IN THERE!” Callum shouted back. With that, a silence fell between the pair and Callum once again yanked his arm from James’ grip before running as fast as he could back towards the pub.</p><p>“Mick! Mick, get a ladder.” Callum shouted as he ran towards the crowd.</p><p>“Halfway, what’s going on?” Mick asked grabbing Callum by the shoulders trying to calm down the now frantic young man that stood before him.</p><p>“Callum?” Stuart asked as he walked towards the pair, noticing Callum’s disposition.</p><p>“Ben.” Callum answered, worry flooding his voice, “Ben’s inside.”</p><p>“I’ll see if I can find one in the Arches.” Dotty responded, overhearing their conversation. </p><p>“He’ll be alright.” Mick tried to reassure Callum as he noticed the distress in his face. </p><p>As his eyes surveyed the crowd he was confused as how any of them could be sat there so calmly knowing Ben was trapped, it was like he didn’t even exist to them and that his life didn’t matter. How could no one care? He flinched every time he thought he could hear the fire brigade coming but every single time he realised they weren’t there he would feel the hope inside him get beaten down yet again. <br/>Callum could feel the anger building inside of him and after a few moments he was unable to keep it held back. </p><p>“Where’s this ladder?” Callum shouted as he tried to fight back the tears that were building behind his eyes.</p><p>“I’ll go see if she needs a hand.” Mick proclaimed with a sense of urgency before running off to find Dotty. </p><p>As the minutes continued to pass Callum’s impatience grew rapidly and he found himself unable to resist the urge any longer. Just as he was about to make a run for the back door of the pub, he heard a shout coming from across the square, and looking to locate the sound he saw Mick and Dotty running towards the pub, a ladder in hand.</p><p>“Out the way!” Mick called as he rushed over to where Callum was stood. As soon as they arrived, they placed it up against the wall, carefully lining it up with the living room window before Callum almost leapt to ascend the ladder.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Stuart said, trying to stop Callum from doing so.</p><p>“Stuart!” Callum proclaimed as he turned to face him, allowing Stuart to see that there was nothing he could do to stop him in his actions. </p><p>“Be careful.” He pleaded, earning a nod of assurance from Callum.</p><p>“You’re gonna need this.” Mick handed Callum the wrench he had taken from the garage. </p><p>With the wrench in his hand, Callum quickly climbed up the ladder, the roaring sound of the fire threatening him with every single step he took. Once he reached the top, he tried to locate Ben through the window but all he was met with was a foggy cloud of smoke.</p><p>“Ben!” He shouted through the glass, “Get away from the window.” </p><p>After giving Ben a second to move he smashed the window and carefully climbed through the gap he had created for himself. As soon as he entered into the room his lungs were filled with the smoky air, causing him to cough as he searched for Ben. The room was incredibly dark as the smoke continued to flood the room, the only light coming from the burning doorway which was a mere few feet away from him. Within seconds he noticed a familiar figure lay in the middle of the floor. </p><p>“Ben!” He shouted, crouching down beside him and noticing his unconscious state, the sight alone evoking more fear within Callum that he thought he was capable of feeling in one moment. “Ben, wake up!” </p><p>As he lifted Ben up in his arms slightly, he instantly checked for a pulse and after a few moments he managed to find one. A weak one, but one nonetheless. Realising he would not be able to carry this out alone he rushed back over to the window.</p><p>“Mick! Stuart! You need to help me, he’s unconscious, I can’t move him myself!” Callum urgently exclaimed looking down at the crowd below him before returning to Ben’s side on the floor. </p><p>“Jack! Hold this.” Mick ushered him towards the ladder, urging him to hold it in place. As his place was covered by Jack, Mick headed up the steps, feeling the warmth of the metal beneath his hands as the flames from the building continued to heat it.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” Callum said softly, running his hand through Ben’s hair as he continued to observe the lifeless look of his body. </p><p>“Callum!” Mick was now on the other side of the window, trying to spot the pair through the fog that covered the room. “Bring him over!”</p><p>With that Callum dragged Ben’s body across the room as quickly as he could, the heat of the room causing him to sweat and making it increasingly difficult to breathe properly. Once he arrived back at the broken window, he used all his strength to lift Ben from the floor where he lay so that Mick could grab him. </p><p>“I’ve got him, I’ve got him.” Mick reassured Callum as he steadied himself once again on the ladder with the new weight of Ben hanging over his shoulders. Hearing these words evoked a sense of relief within Callum, it was like he had been holding his breath without realising. Mick started to head down the ladder, carefully balancing Ben as he descended back to the floor. Callum watched as Mick reached the ground and prepared himself to climb back onto the ladder, but before he could do so another explosion erupted, he felt his head crash to the floor and everything went black.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's still much to come in this little story, let me know what you think in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Callum felt himself being pulled back into consciousness by the constant beeping sound that entered his mind and as he was, he could feel the foggy haze that was filling his head and the overwhelming ache of his entire body. As his eyes slowly adjusted to the bright light of the room that he found himself in he noticed someone sat in the corner of the room, their body sulked over in the chair and their head in their hands – James. </p><p>“What’s going on?” Callum muttered with the little energy he had, instantly causing James to get up from his position as soon as he heard his voice.</p><p>“You’re awake!” James said as he gently placed his hand to Callum’s cheek, Callum sensing the relief of his boyfriend.</p><p>“I gathered that bit.” Callum replied, trying to form a smile but not managing to muster up the energy just yet. “What happened?”</p><p>“The pub.” As soon as the words left James’ mouth it felt like a wave of memories came flooding into Callum’s mind, although each one faded and not clear. “You know what, why don’t we talk about this later when you’re feeling better?” James tried to change the conversation as he noticed Callum’s body tense up.</p><p>“Please,” Callum urged him, not necessarily wanting to know what happened but needing to, “I’m fine.”<br/>James gave him an unsure look before giving in to Callum’s requests and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “There was a second explosion,” He began to explain, his voice softer, trying to be as calm as possible, “and you got caught up in it upstairs.”</p><p>“Carry on.” Callum assured him, sensing his hesitance to continue.</p><p>“Luckily for you, the fire brigade pretty much turned up straight away and they were able to get in there and rescue you in no time at all. Then the ambulance came and brought you here and you’ve been out of it for most of the night.”</p><p>“Most?” Callum questioned.</p><p>“You started stirring in your sleep a couple of hours ago.” James told him, the tiredness from watching Callum all night spread across his face.</p><p>“Probably just a nightmare.” Callum replied, unable to remember whether his words held any truth.</p><p>“Anyway,” James continued, “The doctors said that they wanted to keep an eye on you overnight but you’re looking pretty stable and you should be able to go home in a couple of hours.” </p><p>“Right.” Callum responded, trying to digest all the information James had just given him as his mind wondered, trying to retrace the night.</p><p>“You scared me so much Callum, when I heard the explosion and I knew you were in there I thought that I’d lost you, I thought that I’d never be able to see you again, never be able to tell you that I love – “</p><p>“Ben?” Callum interrupted him, the memory of the phone call appearing in his mind.</p><p>“What?” James questioned, confusion flooding his face.</p><p>“How’s Ben?” Callum asked him, desperate to know the answer.</p><p>“I don’t know.” James replied bluntly, standing up from his position on the bed and walking towards the window.</p><p>“Did they manage to get him out?” Callum continued, not sensing his boyfriend’s demeanour, “Did they bring him to hospital or – “</p><p>“I don’t know Callum!” James said sternly, turning back around to face his boyfriend, a silence falling between them as his words faded into the air. After a minute of unbearable silence James walked over to grab his coat from the chair arm.</p><p>“Listen I’m gonna go home and get you something to change into,” His voice suddenly much softer and lighter, “I won’t be long.” </p><p>Callum hated seeing that side of James, it was like he was another person – a stranger. But recently he had noticed that side of him appearing more and more often. So vicious in his tone and harsh with his words. As he watched James walk away from the room, he carefully sat himself more upright in bed and tried to spot his phone, hoping it would be nearby. However, as he began to scan the room with his eyes, he heard a gentle knock on the door. Looking up his desire for his phone quickly became redundant as the one person he wanted to contact was stood before him.</p><p>“Safe to come in is it?” Ben said cautiously, jokingly checking behind him to see if James had actually left.</p><p>“Yeah of course.” Callum smiled gently, finally finding the energy to as he watched Ben close the door behind him and pull the chair from the corner of the room to sit beside the bed.</p><p>“How are you?” Ben asked, Callum immediately able to see the guilt in Ben’s face.</p><p>“Alive.” Callum replied softly, “You?”</p><p>“Same.” Ben copied, “Heads still a bit foggy but I think that’s more the booze than anything.” </p><p>The room fell quiet as the pair wondered what to say to each other, a thousand questions were running through Callum’s mind and a million apologies were circling Ben’s – neither knew where to start.</p><p>“You didn’t have to wait for him to leave you know.” Callum remarked, filling the empty space.</p><p>“You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d have heard him earlier.” Ben laughed under his breath, scratching the back of his neck as James’ words came running through his mind once again.</p><p>“What?” Callum asked, confused by Ben’s statement.</p><p>“It’s nothing – “ Ben tried to backtrack as he began to worry that he had stepped out of place with his comment.</p><p>“Ben.” Callum insisted, already fed up of feeling like people were walking on egg shells around him. “Tell me.”</p><p>“It was nothing,” Ben began to explain, his eyes now looking towards the floor, “Can’t blame him anyway, he wasn’t exactly wrong, he had every right to – “</p><p>“What did he say?” Callum asked, slowly becoming more impatient.</p><p>“That it’s all my fault.” Ben stated simply, looking back up so his eyes met Callum’s, “And he’s right.”</p><p>“Ben, it’s not your fault – ” Callum tried to comfort him but Ben was quick to carry on.</p><p>“I was being stupid and selfish and if I hadn’t been, if I wasn’t so drunk, if I didn’t call you, you’d have never have had to go back in there, you’d – “ Ben took a moment to compose himself as he felt a lump start to form in his throat. “You’d have been safe.”</p><p>“And you’d have been dead.” Callum said matter of factly. </p><p>“Yeah well maybe I’d have done everyone a favour.” Ben muttered as he looked back towards the floor in an attempt to hide the pain in his face.</p><p>“Don’t say that.” Callum replied, a new seriousness filling his voice.</p><p>“It’s true.” He muttered once again, playing with the ring on his finger.</p><p>“No, it ain’t” Callum said softly, reaching out and touching Ben’s arm, causing Ben to look up once more and meet Callum’s gaze – the silence of uncertainty falling between them again.</p><p>After a few seconds Ben managed to find the courage within him to start the conversation he desperately needed to have with Callum, “Listen, about the letters – “ </p><p>“Ben, we don’t need to talk about that now.” Callum said, removing his hand from Ben’s arm as he tried to suppress the pain his heart felt from being reminded of entire situation. </p><p>“No, we do.” Ben nodded trying to convince Callum, “I need to.”</p><p>“Okay.” Callum replied calmly, noticing the look on Ben’s face and mentally preparing himself for the conversation ahead. </p><p>“I didn’t do it.” Ben began to explain looking Callum in the eyes, “I know you don’t believe me and to be honest I don’t really blame you because none of this makes sense. I can’t explain any of it and I don’t understand any of it so all I can do it tell you the truth.” As Callum sat there listening to Ben, he wished it was as simple as just believing every word Ben said, but there was still something in the back of his mind unsettling him about the whole situation.</p><p>“The truth is Callum, I would never do anything like that to you because I couldn’t do that to someone that I –“ Ben took a deep breath before continuing his confession, “To someone that I love.”</p><p>Callum felt his heart skip a beat as the words escaped Ben’s mouth and a million emotions rushed through his body. At first he couldn’t believe what he had heard, all those times he had wanted nothing more than to hear that from Ben, all those times he had thought about it but not once did he imagine the first time he heard them was in the situation they had found themselves in. Then after a moment another emotion kicked in – guilt. He wondered whether those thoughts should even cross his mind, whether the feelings he was experiencing were betrayal. He could do nothing but sit and stare back into Ben’s eyes, listening intently to his words as he continued to speak.</p><p>“I can’t picture my life without you in it, Callum. I just can’t.” Ben stated softly, a simplicity to his words that made him more vulnerable than Callum had ever seen. “I hope you can find it in you to believe me, I really do,” Ben continued, looking up slightly as if to fight back the tears he could feel forming in his eyes, “But if you can’t,” He took one last deep breath, trying to keep himself together, “Then I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done that’s made you think I could have done this. I truly am.”</p><p>Callum felt wounded after hearing Ben’s words. He could practically hear the desperation and distress in his voice as he spoke and he could see the pain in his eyes. His mind frantically tried to think of what to say in response to him, but nothing seemed like the right thing to say – no words could justify what he was feeling in this moment.</p><p>After a few moments, which felt like a lifetime for both of them, Ben averted his gaze away from Callum and wiped away the tears that had now escaped his eyes before standing up from his seat. “I think I better go.”</p><p>Callum went to stop him from leaving but found himself still stunned from Ben’s revelations, all he could do was watch Ben walk back over to the door. Just before Ben was about to leave, he turned around <br/>once more to Callum, the look they gave each other speaking more words than either of them was able to themselves. Callum watched Ben walk down the corridor until he disappeared through the swinging doors at the end and as his attention was brought back to the room, he was in he felt a cold tear fall down his cheek.</p><p>After a while of being alone with his thoughts, Callum was brought back down to Earth by a voice entering the room. </p><p>“Look who I found wandering the corridors.” James stated entering the room before he walked over and placed the bag he had brought on the chair. </p><p>“Bruv!” Stuart exclaimed, walking straight over to Callum as he entered the room carrying a bunch of flowers being followed by a massive helium balloon. “I’m so glad you’re alright.” He said as he gave Callum a hug.</p><p>“Careful.” Callum squirmed in discomfort.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry, is it your ribs? Your chest?” Stuart asked as he cautiously stepped back.</p><p>“No Stu, it’s my fully grown man of a brother putting all his weight onto me.” Callum joked, before looking towards the balloon and flowers, “What’s all this?”</p><p>“It’s just what people do, ain’t it?” Stuart replied, looking towards James for confirmation, earning nothing but a humorous nod. </p><p>“What’ve you been doing anyway?” James said placing a kiss to Callum’s forehead, the polar opposite of the man who he had been only a few hours earlier.</p><p>“Nothing really,” Callum lied, wanting his and Ben’s conversation to stay secret for now, at least until he had processed it himself, “Just had a nap.”</p><p>“Well you’re looking better for it.” James said.</p><p>“There’s not much a good nap doesn’t fix for us Highway’s eh?” Stuart joked, earning a smile from Callum. </p><p>“Sure.” He replied, amusing his brother.</p><p>“Right, I’m going to go and see if I can find someone to see if you can come home yet.” James stated before leaving the room.</p><p>“So, the balloons, the flowers, where’s the tacky oversized bear to complete the trio?” Callum began to joke before feeling Stuart grab his hand.</p><p>“I thought I’d lost you Callum.” A seriousness now painted across his face which Callum had rarely seen. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry.” Callum replied, placing his other hand on top of Stuart’s.</p><p>“Just don’t ever scare me like that again.” Stuart said softly, the care and warmth radiating from his voice. </p><p>“I’ll try my best.” Callum assured him, fully aware of how much his brother depended on him.</p><p>“It’s just when things like this happen you realise how important the people you love are you know.” Stuart began to say, his words taking Callum by surprise at how much they resonated in him. </p><p>“Yeah.” Callum whispered, feeling his mind drifting back to his earlier discovery.</p><p>“Good news! We just need someone to give you one last check and then you’re okay to leave.” James beamed as he re-entered the room, interrupting the moment between the two brothers. “Back to reality.” </p><p>James smiled down at Callum and Callum forced a small smile back to his boyfriend. Reality was the last thing he wanted to face right now. His thoughts were still spiralling in his mind and he had no idea what lay ahead.</p><p>He was there with James, but his mind was with Ben.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's still more to come in this story, let me know what you think so far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Here, let me take that off your hands.” Stuart insisted reaching for the bag in Callum’s hand which was filled with his clothes from the night before.</p><p>“I managed with it up the staircase Stu, think I can make it to my bedroom.” Callum replied sarcastically, walking towards his bedroom and throwing the bag down lazily onto the bed.</p><p>“Right,” Stuart replied, mentally taking note of his delayed response for future reference. “How about a drink then?” He asked as Callum made his way past him towards the sofa.</p><p>“Hot chocolate if you’re up to it would be amazing.” Callum answered as he took a seat in the living room.</p><p>“Hot chocolate,” Stuart said to himself as he turned towards the cupboards, trying to search for all the ingredients. “Hot chocolate. Hot – “</p><p>“The mugs are on the top shelf.” Callum interjected, noticing his brother’s confusion. </p><p>“Got it.” Stuart smiled in response, picking out the largest one he could see. “And the powder?”</p><p>“Second cupboard from the left, behind the coffee.” Callum continued to help as he turned the television on, part of him wondering whether it would be less painful to just get up and make it himself. </p><p>“Where’s the milk?” Stuart asked.</p><p>“Oh, we keep that in the oven.” Callum remarked before letting out a laugh, “It’s in the fridge.”</p><p>“You’ve ran out.” Stuart said, closing the fridge door. “If only you had as much milk as you had sarcasm eh?” </p><p>“I’ll ring James, ask him to pick some up whilst he’s at the shop.” Before Callum had a chance to even find his phone, he heard the front door of the flat open, followed by quick footsteps ascending the stairs.</p><p>“They didn’t have any just salted popcorn so I went for the mixed bag and I saw Jack, he said he hopes you’re feeling better soon.” James’ voice filled the room as he walked over to where Callum was sat, handed him the bag of food and placed a kiss to the top of his head.</p><p>“I’m fine, I’m just a bit tired.” Callum assured him, not knowing how to handle all the fuss he appeared to be getting from everyone. “I’ll give him a call later.”</p><p>“Everyone’s just worried about the local hero.” James squeezed Callum’s shoulder before walking over to where Stuart was stood.</p><p>“You didn’t happen to buy any – “</p><p>“Milk?” James remarked, noticing the half empty mug on the counter before placing the pint he had just bought in front of Stuart. “Coffee for me please Stu, milk no sugar.” He smiled before putting the rest of the shopping away in the kitchen. </p><p>As Stuart finished making the hot chocolate, James words swirled around in Callum’s mind. The last thing he felt like was a hero, if it wasn’t for him Ben would never had been in danger, he’d have never have had to save him, what kind of a hero does that make him he wondered. His stream of consciousness was interrupted by an extremely proud Stuart placing his final creation before him. </p><p>“Found them in the cupboard,” He smiled, pointing to the marshmallow that he had delicately placed on top, “You always loved them as a kid.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Callum replied with a soft smile on his face, he always loved when Stuart remembered little golden memories from their younger years. As Stuart went to take a seat beside Callum his mobile rang in his pocket.</p><p>“It’s Rainie, I better take this.” He said almost apologetically, heading into the smaller bedroom. </p><p>James walked over towards where Stuart was about to sit down and marked his territory there instead, taking a sip of his coffee as he did so. “If you’re still trying to work out his special talent, I think we can confidently remove making Coffee from the list.” He joked, earning a polite smile from Callum. He had a tendency to always make judgements towards Stuart, and whilst Callum was aware that Stuart wasn’t exactly perfect, some of James’ comments did not settle well with him.</p><p>“What do you want to do?” James asked, reaching his arm around Callum.</p><p>“Nothing really,” Callum replied, “Watch a movie?”</p><p>“Bruv!” Stuart began to speak as he re-entered the living room after finishing his phone call, “Rainie said that Max is really busy helping Ruby out with everything that happened yesterday and she wants me to help her look after baby Abi. I can tell her I’m busy here if you want, I don’t mind, I can just –“</p><p>“Stuart.” Callum interrupted him, noticing his frantic speech, “It’s fine, go. I’ve got James here, I’ll let you know if I need you.” He reassured, visibly noticing the worry leave Stuart.</p><p>“You sure?” He checked before reaching for his coat that he had carelessly flung over the armchair.</p><p>“I’m sure.” Callum replied with a smile, “Thanks again for the hot chocolate.”</p><p>“No problem.” Stuart smiled, before making his way down the staircase and heading out to find Rainie. </p><p>“Looks like it’s just the two of us then.” James smiled, reaching forward to grab Callum’s drink for him.</p><p>“Yeah.” Callum replied, taking the mug from his hands. “Just us.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where the hell have you been?” Lola shouted as she emerged into the hallway after hearing Ben slam the door shut on arrival.</p><p>“Not now Lola.” He muttered, head facing the floor.</p><p>“We have been worried sick, Ben! You can’t just discharge yourself from hospital and do a disappearing act!” She continued to shout, all the nerves that had been running around her body erupting in her outburst.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Ben continued, although trying to suppress the tears that could easily form in his eyes at any moment. “Just a few bruises and a banging headache.”</p><p>“You could’ve – “ Lola tried to speak, but got caught off guard by her emotions, her voice now distinctly calmer, “You could’ve died Ben.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Ben gave in after noticing how distressed and upset the woman before him was and brought her into a tight hug, “I’m really sorry.”</p><p>“Just don’t do that to me again.” She said quietly, before pulling away from the hug and wiping the one escaped tear from her face. “Did you see Callum? At the hospital?”</p><p>Suddenly Ben felt his heart sink into his chest when his name left Lola’s mouth and he immediately put on his best attempt at a façade, trying to disguise all the pain that he had felt since he had left Callum’s bedside a few hours earlier. </p><p>“Nah,” He replied, trying to make his lies seem believable, “Just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.”</p><p>“Maybe I could ring James and see what’s going on?” She suggested, not knowing that James was the last person Ben wanted to come into contact with right now. </p><p>“Yeah.” Ben replied half-heartedly, not wanting her to ask him any more questions. “Where’s Lexi?” </p><p>“She’s up in her room.” She answered, “She’s dying to see you.”</p><p>“Well I shouldn’t keep her waiting then.” He tried to smile but he simply couldn’t muster up enough energy to make it convincing. </p><p>“Ben.” Lola said causing Ben to turn around as he was halfway upstairs. “I’m glad you’re okay.” </p><p>With that he gave her a nod, both of them knowing she meant a lot more than her simple words would appear to anyone else. They were never any good at letting each other know how much they cared about one another but they both knew their love for each other was unconditional, it was so strong. They were family. </p><p>“Where’s my princess?” He asked loudly as he reached the landing and made his way towards Lexi’s bedroom.</p><p>“Daddy!” He heard Lexi shout as he entered the room, quickly met by her running towards him for a hug.</p><p>“Careful darling.” He said gently, trying to hide the pain he felt from her running into his currently, quite fragile, body. </p><p>“Sorry daddy.” She said taking a step back before going in for a much softer hug.</p><p>“It’s alright.” He smiled down at her, wondering how he was lucky enough to have such a sweet daughter.</p><p>“Mummy said you had an accident.” She said as she took a seat on her bed, Ben following her and perching on the end next to her. “Are you feeling any better?”</p><p>“Much better now I’ve seen you.” Ben smiled, moving a stray piece of hair behind her ear.</p><p>“Do you want me to check?” She asked eagerly, Ben suddenly noticing her toy doctor kit that they had bought her for Christmas.</p><p>“Well I think you better had.” Ben smiled at his daughter going along with her wild ideas, “I’m sure that Doctor Lexi knows the best.”</p><p>As he said this, he earned a grin from Lexi before she began taking all the tools from her kit and instructed Ben to lie down on the bed or as she described it the hospital table. Firstly, she grabbed the plastic thermometer and placed it on his forehead, being extremely careful of the small bruise she could see on the side of his forehead.</p><p>“Good temperature.” She said confidently before assessing the rest of his body, “and it doesn’t look like you need any plasters.”</p><p>“Well thank you doctor – “ Ben began to say before he was interrupted by Lexi.</p><p>“I haven’t done the final check yet daddy.” She explained, reaching into her kit for the toy stethoscope.</p><p>“Doctors orders.” He said, holding his hands up in surrender as he sat in front of her. She carefully placed it onto Ben’s chest and listened intently. </p><p>“What’s the verdict?” Ben ushered, awaiting her results.</p><p>“A bit broken, but nothing we can’t fix.” She smiled as she went to place her tools back into her kit as neatly as she could. Lexi had no idea of the deeper meaning that her words held for Ben but sure enough Ben thought to himself that her diagnosis was almost perfect.</p><p>“Thank you, baby.” He said softly, watching her place her kit back under her bed, “Come here.”</p><p>With that he pulled her into another, longer embrace, thinking about how he came close to never being able to share another moment like this with her again.</p><p>“I love you so much, princess.” He whispered, placing a kiss on the top of her head.</p><p>“I love you too daddy.” She replied as she pulled back and placed a kiss on his cheek.</p><p>“Think that might have fixed my heart a little bit.” Ben smiled, earning one back from his daughter before once again, he pulled her close in his embrace. </p><p> </p><p>“Feeling better?” James asked, looking up towards Callum as he emerged from the bedroom. He had decided to take a shower in an attempt to remove the smell of smoke that he felt had been lingering on his skin all day. </p><p>“Yeah, a bit.” He replied, re-taking seat next to James on the sofa, before being pulled in towards him and resting his head on his chest. If he was being honest with himself, the main reason he had wanted to take a shower was for the privacy. He was grateful for everything Stuart and James had been doing for him all day but as time drew on, he had found himself feeling suffocated by the attention.</p><p>“Do you want to change the film? I know this isn’t really your thing.” James suggested as he reached for the remote before being stopped by Callum.</p><p>“Keep it on, I don’t mind.” He responded, not having paid attention to the television for the whole afternoon. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it he couldn’t help but replay the conversation he had shared with Ben over and over again in his head. Trying to think what he could have said to him, what he should have said to him. Constantly questioning whether his memory was exaggerating everything he had heard from Ben and whether he should feel guilty for hoping that it hadn’t. </p><p>“You okay? Seem quiet.” James urged him to talk to him, noticing the strange mood Callum appeared to be in.</p><p>“Yeah,” Callum replied, looking up briefly into James’ eyes, “Just thinking.”</p><p>“What about?” He continued to probe Callum for answers.</p><p>“You know, yesterday.” Callum lied as he rested his head back onto James’ chest, trying to keep his answers as vague as possible. </p><p>“What about it?” James was relentless in his interrogation so Callum quickly scrambled together a believable answer. </p><p>“You know, just wondering why he was up there in the first place.” Callum murmured, practically knowing the answer to the question but desperately trying to cover up his actual thought process.</p><p>“Ben?” James replied, his entire body tensing up as he mentioned his name.</p><p>“Who else?” Callum asked, confused at the ridiculousness of James’ question.</p><p>“You can say that again.” James muttered under his breath.</p><p>“What?” Callum didn’t quite hear what he had said.</p><p>“Nothing.” James answered in an attempt to cover up his bitterness.</p><p>“Can’t help but worry.” Callum explained himself, hoping that the continuous questioning would end there. </p><p>“You’re too good for your own good you know,” James began to speak as he ran his fingers through Callum’s gel free hair. “Ben, he didn’t deserve you running in to save him, putting yourself in danger. I mean, how many times have you put your neck on the line for him?” Callum’s mind began to digest all the words that were leaving James’ mouth as he continued to feel his fingers dancing through his hair, </p><p>“All the times that you put him first. I’ll never understand why you put up with it all, especially after everything he did with the letters, I don’t know why you bother keeping him around?” </p><p>“He’s my friend.” Callum stated simply, “I was always taught never to turn your back on anyone.”</p><p>“Who taught you that then?” James laughed, almost in a condescending tone.</p><p>“Stuart.” Callum began to explain as he remembered when he was a little kid, “Once I had this friend and he was always a bit awkward around me, he’d act strange sometimes and I could never understand why, so I told Stuart about it and he said – “</p><p>Suddenly Callum stopped in his tracks, sitting up from his position in James' embrace.</p><p>“Cal?” James asked trying to lean into Callum’s eyesight smirking, “Everything alright? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”</p><p>James smile quickly disappeared from his face as his eyes met Callum’s and he saw the seriousness that filled them. </p><p>“How’d you know about the letters?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know what you think in the comments! Updates should be more regular now all my work is completed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“W- What?”</p><p>“Ben. How did you know about him and the letters?” Callum asked once again, much slower this time.</p><p>“You told me.” James answered, matter of factly.</p><p>“No, I didn’t.” Callum immediately responded.</p><p>“You did, in the hospital.” James continued to explain.</p><p>“You’re wrong.” Callum’s voice was filled with confusion.</p><p>“You were really out of it and you told – “</p><p>“Stop lying to me!” Callum raised his voice as his impatience grew as he listened the James mumble his way to a defence. </p><p>“You tell me then Callum. How could I know without you telling me?” James interrogated him, his confidence almost tormenting Callum. </p><p>“I – I don’t, I’m not – “ Callum tried to form a logical explanation but he couldn’t see past the fog which was covering his thoughts.</p><p>“I, I, erm, I don’t –“ James mimicked him, standing up from his position on the couch and walking over to the kitchen counter. “Get a grip of yourself Callum, it’s embarrassing.” </p><p>James’ words cut through Callum like a knife as his brain tried to scramble together the thousands of thoughts that were rushing through his mind. It was like he was trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle but the missing piece just couldn’t be found. </p><p>“I’m getting some air. Don’t expect me back for a while.” James feigned the pain Callum’s accusation caused as he reached across the counter for his keys.</p><p>The missing piece. </p><p>“Oh my god.” Callum breathed as the realisation hit him like a blow to the chest. “It was you.”</p><p>Silence fell between the pair as James turned back around to face Callum, who was still sat in his position on the sofa as if in shock.</p><p>“What was me?” James responded, trying to act oblivious to Callum’s accusation.</p><p>“I feel sick.” Callum spoke, completely ignoring James’ question and walking over to the kitchen sink.</p><p>“Callum! What was me?” James repeated, Callum sensing the rising frustration in his voice which only turned Callum’s shock into anger at the disbelief of hearing James try and act innocent.</p><p>“You set him up!” Callum raised his voice as he turned to James, looking his straight in his eyes.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” James shouted back as if insulted by Callum’s words.</p><p>“Ben!” Callum shouted back, his patience now completely gone from his demeanour, “You set him up.”</p><p>“You’ve lost it.” James replied much calmer as if to pity Callum’s insinuation.</p><p>“It all makes sense now.” Callum laughed, disbelief at the situation becoming too much for him, “The letters, the key ring, hiding them in the car lot, you ‘losing’ your keys. You planned out the entire thing <br/>because you knew what I’d think. You knew who I’d blame.”</p><p>Anger, frustration, shock, horror – a thousand emotions were running through Callum’s body as the situation became clearer to him as the events of the past few days played in his mind. Suddenly Callum was snapped out his thoughts when he heard a slow clap coming from James.</p><p>“Well done.” James said coldly as he stopped his mocking applause, “You worked it out.”</p><p>Callum tried to find the words the respond, any words to respond, but he was left speechless at James’ confession.</p><p>“I’ll be honest, I’m impressed that your little brain worked it out this quick,” James continued to mock casually, “Although I guess we couldn’t have Benny boy in the bad books for too long could we.”</p><p>“Why?” Callum managed to whisper, “Why would you?”</p><p>“Why would I?” James laughed in response to Callum’s question. “Are you being serious?”</p><p>Once again, a silence fell between them briefly as Callum tried to digest everything he was hearing, before James began to speak once more.</p><p>“Do you know how tiring it is having to listen to my boyfriend ramble on and on and on about another man? Do you know how sick I am of hearing about how amazing Ben Mitchell is? Do you know exhausting it is knowing that your boyfriend would rather be in a relationship with the man sat opposite you?” </p><p>“That’s not true – “</p><p>“Oh please!” James interrupted him before he even had a chance to speak, “Even when we first met! What? You think I don’t know why you agreed to come for that drink with me?” </p><p>Callum’s eyes dropped to the floor as the memory of that night reappeared in his head, all the rejection and pain he had felt. </p><p>“I saw you go and look for him, I saw your face when you saw him getting off with someone else, I saw everything!” James explained.</p><p>“Why go out with me then?” Callum asked, anger building once again in his voice.</p><p>“Because I didn’t think nearly two years down the line, you’d still be pining over him!” James spat out, continuing to mock Callum as he did so.</p><p>“You’re being ridiculous.” Callum muttered, trying to hide the fact he knew there was some truth to his words.</p><p>“Am I? So yesterday, you running into a burning building for him and playing the hero? That was just a favour for a friend was it?” James tormented him.</p><p>“You’d prefer me to leave him to die?” Callum replied instantly, disgusted at the cold-hearted words that left James’ mouth. </p><p>“You’d be doing everyone a favour!” He shouted back viciously.</p><p>“That what you said to him earlier today?” Callum interrogated him, his question instantly causing James’ expression to transform into one of confusion. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Did you tell him he deserved it, that he’s worthless, that he’s dangerous,” Callum shook his head as he knew his accusations were probably accurate, “You have no right.” He stated, walking closer to James.</p><p>The rage within him was building quicker and quicker by the second as he was reminded of how broken Ben had seemed before him only a few hours earlier, knowing that he had done nothing to deserve the way he had treated him in the last week, knowing he was telling the truth, knowing how much he must have been hurting.</p><p>“When did you find out about that?” James asked, looking Callum dead in the eye just before Callum could see the moment of realisation spring onto his face, “Of course.”</p><p>“He came to see me whilst you were gone.” Callum explained.</p><p>“How cute.” James teased Callum, taking a moment to himself, walking more towards the living room before continuing his speech, “So what did you two talk about? Apart from me obviously.” Callum could hear the bitterness seething from James’s words.</p><p>“Nothing important.” Callum lied, not wanting to fuel James’ twisted reasoning.</p><p>“Right.” James began, realising that was all that Callum was giving him and feeling his own patience wear thin, “So you just talked about what a monster I am and then talked about your weekly shopping, is that right?” James mimicked as he made his way closer to Callum so he was mere inches away from him, “No more dead boyfriends to get all soppy about?”</p><p>With that Callum instantly saw red and pushed James up against the kitchen cupboards, his rage now uncontrollable after James stepped way beyond the line.</p><p>“Say that again. I dare you.” Callum whispered through gritted teeth as his grip tightened on James’ shirt. </p><p>“Poor old Chris.” James tutted, “Or Connor? Or Cameron? I always forget.”</p><p>Callum momentarily pushed James further back towards the cabinets before he began to feel the tears start to build in his eyes at the mention of Chris’ name. He released James’ shirt from his hands and walked a few steps back so not to let James see his vulnerable state and gathered his composure.</p><p>“How do you even know about him?” Callum said, his voice now much calmer purely from exhaustion.</p><p>“You think I wouldn’t get suspicious of a mysterious box kept hidden away under the bed?”</p><p>“It wasn’t for you to look in.” Callum defended it, feeling utterly betrayed by James’ invasion of privacy.</p><p>“One day when you went out for hours on end, then when I went to go to bed, I saw it sticking out from under the bed, I couldn’t help myself.” James explained, a hint of an apologetic tone to his voice for a <br/>brief moment, “I was going to talk to you about it, but the next morning before you’d woken up I saw a text pop up on your phone.”</p><p>“You read my messages?” Callum reeled once again from the new revelation.</p><p>“It was from Ben.” James replied, ignoring what Callum had said, “He said he was always there if you ever wanted to talk about him again, about Chris.”</p><p>Callum’s memory flashed back to that night. He had been overcome with emotion over Chris, it had all come from nowhere, completely unexpected and he didn’t know who to turn to except Ben. He had needed someone to understand. Someone he could trust. </p><p>“Do you realise how much that hurt?” James asked, for a moment Callum thought he could see tears forming in his eyes but he couldn’t seem to muster up any care for the man stood in front of him even if he could. He could not comprehend that after everything he had done, James had the cheek to try and turn this around on him.</p><p>“Are you seriously standing there with the audacity to try and make me look like the bad guy in all of this?” Callum instantly saw a switch in James expression as he realised sympathy was not on the cards for him. “You are a liar James. A manipulative, calculating, twisted liar.”</p><p>“Fine. If I’m the bad guy then I’ll be the bad guy.” He said coldly, a stern look plastered on his face, before he strode past Callum into their bedroom.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Callum questioned hurriedly as he followed him.</p><p>“Like you said, I’m the bad guy.” James said reaching under the bed and dragging out the box filled with letters and grabbing a bunch of them in his hand.</p><p>“Leave them alone.” Callum urged him.</p><p>“A manipulative.” He tore the letters into half.</p><p>“NO!” Callum shouted, tears immediately forming in his eyes.</p><p>“Calculating.” Another tear, Callum leaping towards him trying to rescue the letters from his grasp without causing further damage.</p><p>“Twisted.” Another tear, Callum failing to reach the letters from the taller man’s grasp.</p><p>“Liar.” With that James ripped the letters one more time before dropping them to the floor and walking over them towards the bedroom door. Callum wanted to kill him, to hurt him and make him feel just <br/>an ounce of the pain he felt cutting through his body right now but he simply had no energy left in him. He dropped to this, knees where he stood, tears streaming down his face as he tried to gather up all <br/>the broken pieces of paper which surrounded him on the floor. </p><p>“Leave. I never want to see you again.” Callum managed to speak through the heartache.</p><p>“How pathetic.” James mocked once more as he stood in the doorway to the bedroom.</p><p>“Get out!” Callum shouted, the hatred burning through his veins as he did so.</p><p>After a few moments he heard the front door of the flat slam shut and as he did so he felt his body crumble from beneath him and found himself lay on the bedroom floor, completely broken.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's still more to come! Let me know what you think in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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